Book Review - Richard Roper's How Not to Die Alone

Thank you to Penguin Group Putnam for providing me with a copy of Richard Roper’s novel, How Not to Die Alone, in exchange for an honest review.

Andrew has spent years carrying around a big secret. When he was being interviewed for his current job, he accidentally told his would-be boss, that he was married and rather than correcting the mistake, Andrew went on to fabricate a life that includes a wife and two kids. The lie kept growing and now he feels that he has crossed a point of no return. He works for a government agency who handles funerals for people who have died alone and as he investigates these lives, Andrew realizes that he is in a similar position. His parents are dead and he has a rocky relationship with his sister. A series of events, including a new employee named Peggy, threaten to reveal Andrew’s manufactured life.

How Not to Die Alone is a beautiful story that is both deeply affecting and delightful. Andrew has been hit hard by life and he has reached a state of arrested development, living out a middle-aged existence in a tiny, dilapidated apartment that is filled with model trains. His only friends are those whom he communicates with solely through online message boards for model train enthusiasts. Until her untimely death, he has strained, quarterly calls with his sister, Sally. He doesn’t have a lot in common with his coworkers and is dreading the company bonding dinner parties that his boss has recently cooked up. Andrew’s life is lacking, but his imaginary life is stellar.

Andrew spends so much time crafting his imaginary family, that he almost believes that they are real. No one in his office has any reason to doubt their existence. However, when Andrew meets Peggy, he is instantly attracted to her. She’s funny, attractive, and clearly interested in Andrew. Peggy is in the process of separating from her alcoholic husband and although she may soon be available, everyone knows that Andrew is in a very happy marriage. Andrew fears that by revealing the truth, he will lose trust in his coworkers and possibly his job. Yet, if he wants to have a chance with Peggy, he will have to kill-off his imaginary family. Andrew is used to staying in the safety net of his comfort zone and this situation is forcing him to be uncomfortable. Yet, the more he considers his lie, the more he realizes that his comfort zone isn’t very comfortable. He is ready to reveal the truth, but struggling to work up the courage.

How Not to Die Alone is a story with a lot of compassion. Andrew is a complex character. He constantly lies, yet he has the empathy to attend the funerals of strangers, even when it goes beyond his job description. Roper has structured the story to pack the maximum punch, as we don’t learn the extent of Andrew’s problems until late in the novel. It’s crushing. Roper added a wonderful element of weaving the songs of Ella Fitzgerald into the story. Andrew loves Fitzgerald, but there is one song that he cannot bear to listen to and when we learn the reason why, it is devastating. The musicality works well, adding a theatrical quality to the story. The chapter where Andrew’s big trauma is revealed is very cinematic in the best possible sense.

A major theme is the consequence of dishonesty; how both being dishonest with others and with yourself, can severely impact your life. The way Andrew lies to himself and makes excuses for the life he lives, is almost worse than the lies that he tells others. Andrew is terrified of relationships, yet when he find the courage to reach out to others, they make him realize that his fear was unwarranted. A particularly lovely part of the story occurs when Andrew dares to meet his online friends in real life and to ask them for a major favor. My ultimate takeaway from How Not to Die Alone, is live boldly.

I highly recommend How Not to Die Alone. It just might end up being my favorite book of 2019. Roper is a marvelous writer and I fell in love with Andrew, rooting for him all the way. This novel gave me the warm-fuzzies.

Book Review - Randy Susan Meyers' Waisted

Thank you to Atria Books for providing me with a copy of Randy Susan Meyers’ novel. Waisted, in exchange for an honest review.

Weight gain has been a life-long struggle for Alice. However, she met her husband, Clancy, when she was going through an tough time in her life, which resulted in weight loss. Now, over the years, which included giving birth, the pounds have piled back on and Clancy feels that his wife is not the woman that he married. Through this strain in their relationship, Alice runs off to participate in a weight loss reality show called “Waisted.” She does not tell Clancy until she has left for the show, because Clancy is in the documentary film industry and “Waisted” is being produced by his biggest rival.

During the filming of “Waisted,” Alice becomes fast-friends with her roommate and fellow contestant, Daphne. Daphne has a supportive husband, but she has a negative body image from her overbearing mother. Daphne has even tried bulimia to keep the pounds off.

From the first day of filming it is clear that “Waisted” is not the show that was originally pitched to the contestants. Rather than a wellness retreat, “Waisted” is more of a hardcore bootcamp. The women are stripped of their possessions, including phone access, and are made to wear unflattering jumpsuits. They are belittled, starved, and exercised to exhaustion. When they are given amphetamines to push their weight loss goals to unsafe levels, the women seek to find out the truth about the production and what they discover is shocking.

Meyers tackles heavy themes of self-love, body acceptance, and family dynamics. I found her overall message to be positive and uplifting. I especially like a scene in the novel where Daphne, a make-up artist by trade, helps an disadvantaged teenager build her self-confidence, by giving her skin care and make-up tips to cover extreme acne. I liked how it showed that it is okay to both love yourself and acceptable to use fashion or make-up: the two don’t have to be separate. Earlier in the story, Daphne hides behind her make-up, using her skills to create a distraction from her body, highlighting features like her beautiful eyes. However, as soon as Daphne lets go worrying about her body, her make-up becomes part of her self-expression, rather than a shield.

Alice and Daphne are two strong, female protagonists and the story is structured to alternate between their lives at home and their time on “Waisted.” The weight issues aside, I think many women will find aspects of these character’s lives and emotions to be relatable. I was rooting for these characters to succeed, especially Alice dealing with her emotionally abusive husband. I found Daphne’s desperation, including the use of pills and bulimia, to be heartbreaking.

Unfortunately, the plot for Waisted is very messy. An exciting story opportunity was missed with the reality show aspect. “Waisted” is quite horrific and we learn that the aim of the show is to expose the extremes that women will go to in the name of weight loss. Its purpose is to be shocking and not to actually help these women meet their goals. The concept of this could have made a potentially intriguing story, especially holding a mirror to the way our society gobbles up these types of shows. I have no doubt that if a real version of “Waisted” aired on American television, it would be both a sensation and crucified. People would not admit to enjoying it, but they would secretly watch it and the ratings would be high. We live in a time where it is both still socially acceptable to shame fat people and one where we promote the idea of having a positive body image. I think things will shift towards being more body positive, but we are not there quite yet. Meyer had a real opportunity to play with the larger societal impact of a show like “Waisted” and that would have been intriguing.

Unfortunately, the women’s participation in “Waisted” fizzles. They leave the show and make efforts to expose the producers, but there is not a truly satisfying conclusion to this issue. I was let-down. I felt like the story was heading in the direction of making a real statement against the reality television production, but the plot meandered and focused more on the individual relationships that the main characters have with their families. This was important too of course, especially in the area of character development and growth, but it was far less interesting than the fallout from “Waisted.”

Waisted is strong in character development, but weak in plot. Often, I can overlook weak plots if the characters are great, but in this case, I can’t overlook the missed opportunities in the storyline. Although Waisted tackles important and sensitive topics, it only skims the surface and goes for cliches. For this reason, I can’t recommend it.

Book Review- Angela Duckworth's Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

Late in 2018, I began listening to Cathy Heller’s podcast, Don’t Keep Your Day Job. Heller’s inspirational podcast focuses on following your passion and creativity towards a meaningful career. On one of her episodes, Heller interviewed Angela Duckworth, a psychologist and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.

Duckworth has a very popular TedTalk on the subject of grit, which she turned into a deeper exploration in her book. In Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, she explores the idea of having grit and how grit could be a bigger predictor of success, then either talent or genius. A person who has grit has the drive to persevere and often that leads to success.

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance made me consider my own level of grittiness. In some areas of my life, I’ve shown plenty of grit, which I always have attributed to stubbornness. However, I’ve definitely had dreams and chased them to a degree of success. I’ve done the 10,000 hours or damn near close, that is considered a bench mark for mastering a skill.

However, I can also remember a strange phenomenon from my middle-school years that was common with my peers, where it was more social acceptable to feign having not worked hard. That somehow to be smart, it only counted if it was innate and that studying was less-than. To ace a test or paper without having put in the effort was seen as a superior result. This of course, especially with adult hindsight, is ridiculous and pitiful. Luckily, this was short-lived and not an attitude that followed me to high school, where many of my friends worked hard for well-deserved success.

I’m not a parent, but during the chapters on parenting for grit, I could see how my mom pushed me. How she strove to instill grit. Truthfully, I wish she had pushed even harder, but I definitely appreciate that she went to the local parent-teacher store and bought workbooks for me. I always had extra mom given homework assignments on the weekends and every day during school breaks. She would drill me with flashcards and feed my love of reading with endless books. I’m not sure I liked the extra work, but it was a real benefit to me, instilling not only educational skills, but discipline and meeting expectations.

Duckworth gives a brief mention regarding parenting for grit with the distractions of modern technology. She has two teenager daughters and although her family is strict with technology rules, they are not perfect. I liked her response to whether or not millennials, distracted by technology, lack attention span and thus grit: she said that each generation has differences in culture and experience. Essentially, it’s unfair to judge millennials because of how their lives have been impacted by technology, that it is better to realize that they are growing up with a different experience. It was a light-bulb moment to think of different generations of having different cultures.

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance is filled with wonderful examples of grit, from cadets at West Point, to professional athletes, and even children competing in the National Spelling Bee. It’s a fascinating look at drive and passion that is truly inspirational.