The Waiting Game

Yesterday, during some frank relationship talk with friends, the question that seems to plague women and drive them crazy, was posed. This question seems to come up in every Meg Ryan movie and probably half of the Sex and the City episodes.

How do I know if he likes me? Perhaps more specific, if he does like me, how long will he wait to call for a second date? What's the time frame?

The friend posing the question had just been on a first date and although it went well, she had doubts.

I had never really put a lot of thought into the question. Sure, there have been times where I have worried over the same issue, especially when I was younger or a bit insecure post-divorce.

I feel like this whole idea of a specific time frame for calling is ridiculous. Not only that, it confuses both men and women. It turns relationships into a game, which is the one big thing people complain about when they are jaded from dating. No more games.

When I analyze my past relationships (because us girls like to break everything down), I realized that all of my significant relationships have one thing in common, the guy let me know right away. I've never had a date waiting period. I was called within twenty-four hours, usually less, to set up a second date. They didn't keep me waiting. They were clear and direct about their feelings, which is a very sexy trait. It showed initiative and self confidence.

The only times that I have been asked on a second date after a waiting period are by guys that were straddeling the friend-zone or only looking for a physical relationship. I've learned that if they make you wait, that they are "Just not that into you". It's okay, the feelings were mutual. The only bad part is it left me feeling like the guy was a bit slimy or unreliable, for trying for a second date, instead of owning-up.

I've had the quasi-date experience. This is where the guy is great and I've placed him squarely in the friend category, but they don't realize it. On the reverse, they think we are on a date and I'm too oblivious to realize that they are trying for something more. This is heartbreaking, because it has happened a few times and the guy is always someone that I genuinely like and care about as a friend. Every time this has happened the guy didn't take the early initiative to clarify their feelings and it ultimately ended in a hurt filled mess.

Bold moves early on are key.

If he's into you, he will let you know that you're worth keeping. He will lock in that second date so that you don't move on and get scooped up by someone else. If he doesn't take the initiative, you shouldn't waste time analyzing it.

Men, if you are reading this, I am not letting women off the hook. Women should also make their feeling clear, instead of being coy or stringing a guy along. The second date doesn't always fall squarely into the guys court. Dan asked for a second date right away, but I took ownership of planning it and taking him out.

Relationships, including early dating are a partnership. I've learned that it's important to be forthright with your feelings and to show how you value the other person. Clarity will prevent both people from going crazy analyzing the details and potentially missing out on a great relationship.

Patio Spring Cleaning

I'm exhausted.

Dan and I have spent the last couple of weeks spring cleaning our home in anticipation of having a few friends over for a BBQ this past weekend. The primary focus has been the patio, which has been a wreck all winter.

The floor was covered in dirt and sawdust from when our flooring was replaced. The sawdust was absolutely everywhere. It took several days of sweeping and hosing to get it clean. I'm pleased to report that you can almost eat off of it.

We don't have green thumbs. All of the beautiful flowers that Dan's mom planted for us last fall have shriveled up and died. It looked like we had tumble weeds in our planters. The only one that survived was our cactus, Spike.

We started to get complaints from the HOA about the state of our planter boxes, which was followed by a letter sent out to the entire complex urging residents to do some patio maintenance. We took the hint and decided to replace our dead plants with cactus. They're drought resistant and covered in scary spikes which seems to equate to "Leave Me Alone". We like low maintenance.

Other than easy care, we think that they look pretty.

Planting them was a little dicey. I did all of the planting and when I tried to plant this cactus with a little yellow spikes, my hand was punctured all over. The spikes went right through my gardening gloves and I spent about half an hour with tweezers trying to get them all out. They stung.

Dan gets to plant the scary ones next time!

Unfortunately, we have had one cactus casualty. This was the first one that I planted and I think that I was too rough. My gardening techniques are not exactly refined. The others seem to have taken root, but this one is withering away.

We acquired another new plant that was a gift from friends. We will probably plant it in the box to replace the dead cactus.

We have one very cool non-plant addition to our patio. We desperately needed a ice bucket for entertaining and Dan found one better than a bucket, he found an ice boat! I imagine that the patio might slowly take on a nautical theme.

This ice boat makes me want to have more friends over!

Snail Mail and Wanderlust

It's looking a bit grimy, but this is my childhood mailbox and it's seen a lot of action over the years.

In the 80's, I wrote to pen pals all over the world through an international pen pal exchange for kids. I had pen-friends in Norway, England, Brazil and Thailand. Sadly, none of these exchanges lasted more than a few years. I was a voracious writer plagued with terrible penmanship. I tried to use Lisa Frank stickers and Hello Kitty Stamps to compensate for my sloppy handwriting, but unfortunately there is only so much that can be conveyed through embellishments.

In the 90's, my penmanship remained sketchy (it has only declined with the use of computers), but my friends still wrote to me and I have hundreds of letters written to all of my friends during high school and college.

There was a huge upswing during the summer/fall of 1995, when I was away at Bard College in upstate New York. Being stuck in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by farms, I directed my boredom and homesick energy towards letter writing. In turn, I received letters, usually more than one a day and it kept me sane. It also didn't hurt that my mom sent care packages five times a week. I made the mistake of telling her that I enjoyed Nutrigrain bars and she sent them faster than I could consume them. I ended up giving away boxes to everyone on my floor.

One of my favorite things to receive are postcards. I love them! Yesterday, I found a collection of postcards received over my lifetime. This is the pile and although it doesn't look too big, it's a thick pile.

There are postcards from exotic locations, mostly courtesy of my globe-trotting friend, Luke and many from all across the United States. When I look at all of the postcards, most to places I have never been, they give me the itch to travel. They're a reminder that there are so many amazing things out in the world.

I've been fortunate to have seen much of the United States. I have a goal of traveling to all fifty states. It's a lot to see. The United States is a big place. Of course, my travel aspirations are not limited to the US, I want to see everything that's out there, as much as I can cram into my lifetime. I want to stop living vicariously and to be the one sending the postcards. I am very lucky to be spending so many weeks in the UK this year.

I have this very romantic notion of spending a few years traveling around in an RV or picking up and moving to another country. I think a lot of people have the same feeling of wanderlust and that's why books like Frances Mayes' memoir, Under a Tuscan Sun are so popular.

I have a few favorite songs regarding wanderlust. I love Miranda Lambert's Airstream Song, with the sentiment of being torn between living various lives.

I also love one my of new favorite music discoveries, Kacey Musgraves and her song, My House. My House is exactly what I wish Dan and I could do right now. I want to hang a map and throw a dart!

I'll end this post with a few of my favorite postcards from my collection.