Book Review- Chuck Klosterman's The Nineties: A Book

Thank you to LibroFM and Penguin Random House Audio Publishing Group for providing me with a copy of Chuck Klosterman’s The Nineties: A Book.

Klosterman examines some of the key cultural, technological, and political events of the nineties with a specific focus on how this decade shaped the people who came of age during this period.

I am the audience for The Nineties. I graduated from high school in 1995 and I vividly remember every key event that Klosterman mentions in his book, including the OJ Simpson trial, the Clinton scandal, the Los Angeles Riots ( happened a mere fifteen minutes from my home), death of Kurt Cobain, Oklahoma City Bombing, et… But I must confess that I had not given much thought to many of these events in many years and Klosterman’s analysis brought me right back to that era of my life, but with the benefit of distance.

As small as this seems, I was most struck by Klosterman’s dive into how movies shaped the nineties attitude. Klosterman reminded me of a attribute associated with people of my generation, a general vibe of not-caring, but even more, the desperation of showing others how nonchalant you can be, as if it was a contest. I’m not sure how much of this is actually true, but it is certainly reflected in the pop-culture of the nineties. Klosterman uses the example of the film Reality Bites to reflect the worst of this attitude.

I have not watched Reality Bites since I was a teenager, but at the time, I loved the film. Klosterman points out that the film has aged poorly with the protagonist, Lelaina played by Winona Ryder, choosing the wrong love interest, a slacker played by Ethan Hawke, who berates and belittles her choices., including her dream of becoming a documentary filmmaker.He doesn’t show her much attention and is negative towards the good guy, played by Ben Stiller, who tries to date Lelaina, while showing nothing but love and support. But of course, in nineties fashion, the actual good guy loses, because he cares too much, and because Lelaina is culturally programmed to find the detached, aloof guy, far more appealing. In fact, she spends much of the film quite desperate to get his approval. The nineties teen me was in full-on approval mode for Lelaina’s choice, but now, the forty-four year old me living in 2022 is horrified by this choice. Again, I’m not sure if the films of the era truly reflected my own life, but I can see how the messaging impacted the way I viewed relationships and motivations. It was toxic.

Klosterman narrates his own audio book and I found his voice to be pleasant and easy on the ears. I appreciated this time hop back to my teens and although some uncomfortable revelations were experienced, I enjoyed Klosterman’s keen observations. This book would be fascinating for many people, but it will have special meaning if you were old to remember the nineties.

Book Review: Ada Calhoun's Why We Can't Sleep: Women's New Midlife Crisis

Thank you to Grove Atlantic for providing me with a copy of Ada Calhoun’s Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, in exchange for an honest review.

In Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, Ada Calhoun explores the unique challenges facing Generation X women, who are now middle-age.

Spanning from the early 60’s to the early 80’s (there is some disagreement on the dates), Calhoun explains that many women born during this time had a challenging childhood. We ( I am a Gen-X woman) were raised by mother’s who fought for equality and told us that we could do anything. This created an immense pressure to “have it all,” even when “having it all” is an impossible goal and reaching for the brass ring has made us deeply dissatisfied. The caustic divorces that we experienced with our parents, created a drive to maintain the semblance of a perfect life for our children, to hide any cracks in the co-parenting relationship. Growing up latch-key kids and experiencing a free-roaming childhood, has turned Gen-xers into overprotective, helicopter parents. We are drowning as we fail to keep up with our self-imposed expectations.

Calhoun argues that previous generations did not put such a big emphasis on perfection. Our mothers didn’t have social media to constantly compare themselves to their friends and celebrities. They didn’t post pictures of their gluten-free cupcakes or their latest beach vacation. They didn’t feel a constant pressure to keep looking youthful. Societal pressure to go vegan or to believe in a certain movement didn’t plague them every time they looked at their phone, because cell phones didn’t exist. Social media didn’t exist.

Interestingly, Calhoun explains that the pressure to compare and to be perfect seems to be felt more strongly with Gen X. Younger generations don’t seem as worried about what people think. Perhaps it is because Gen Xer’s were older when social media became common place. I was born at the end of Gen X and Facebook wasn’t popular until I was in my 30’s. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have my teen years and 20’s recorded on social media. Calhoun notes that younger generations seem to post on social media with less worry of how it will be perceived, where as Gen X is more careful regarding what they post. We are a generation that has quickly adapted to technology, yet we have not had it in our lives the same way that the generations after us have experienced.

Why We Can’t Sleep made me feel stressed. I can attest to the feelings of perfectionism and failure. I’ve entered my 40’s happy with my life. I don’t have children ( two wonderful step-children, but they are only with us for holidays), so perhaps that lessens the intensity of needing to prove something or create a certain life. I think it gives me freedom. Still, I had a mom who drove home the idea that “anything is possible,” which, as I reflect, doesn't feel true. I entered the work force and experienced inequality. My mom gave me a clear message that men should not be fully trusted, yet she also pushed a traditional marriage. I was told to be both independent and dependent. It was confusing.

Additionally, Calhoun pointed out something that I didn’t realize I was resentful over, until I read it. She mentions that there is now a backlash for the freedom that we experienced in childhood. I was a latchkey child starting in third grade and although there were adult neighbors, I was basically left home summers/holidays/after school, from the age of eight. That would be unheard of now, but my mom was a working, single-mom and we had no choice. Besides that, I don’t really remember my mom being engaged with me. When we were home together, I was told to play outside or in my room. Maybe it’s because my mom had me later in life, but she continued the, “children should be seen and not heard” motto from her generation. There were times that my mom did things with me, like take me to museums or to the movies, but on a whole, I was on my own. Calhoun says that this was common for Gen X childhoods and this has prompted many Gen X parents to become uber engaged with their children. I see this in my friends with their parenting styles. I realize that my mom had to work and things were hard, but I do feel that I was disconnected with her as a child and did not become close to her until I became an adult.

Calhoun tackles perimenopause and the options that women have to ease this transition. She states that this is an important life change that is simply not discussed. I agree, I’ve never discussed this with anyone, including my doctors. I’m 42 and I haven’t noticed much of a change yet, but I appreciate that Calhoun speaks to this topic.

With everything going on in the world with corona virus, I’m not sure that it was good timing to read Why We Can’t Sleep. I made me feel more anxiety. That said, I think Calhoun has written an important book that is worth a read. I will definitely recommend it to friends of my generation.