Just over a week ago, on April 18th, my uncle passed away after many years of illness and declining health. It's been a rough road. Even though, I'm relieved that he's no longer suffering, I miss him a lot and the absence of his presence has created a huge void.

My father died when I was four and my uncle stepped into the father role for me. He was the master at putting together Barbie Swimming pools and was the only adult interesting in playing Super Mario Brothers with me when I got my Nintendo system for Christmas. He used to sneak away during their annual 4th of July parties to watch the Twilight Zone marathon with me in the bedroom. He took me to the zoo and museums, turning me into someone who enjoys exhibits at a very leisurely pace! He took me for wild rides in golf carts, which I loved. When we went on yearly vacations to Maui, he got right in the waves with me and helped me build sand castles. My uncle was a lot of fun.

I carved my first and only jack-o-lantern of my childhood with my uncle. It was something that my mom just never had me do (and honestly, something that I don't enjoy as an adult) and close to Halloween, they had a pumpkin patch at the Newport Fashion Island Mall. We brought one home and my uncle helped me carve it..sort of....it turned out, he got so excited to help with the pumpkin, that he did it all himself and I watched! Then, he told us to store it on our patio for the week leading up to Halloween. It turned completely moldy and fell apart when we tried to pick it up!

Uncle Larry with the pumpkin as i supervise!

Leaving the pumpkin on the patio may have been awful advice, but it was the exception. My uncle loved to dispense advice, especially financial. As an adult, I can appreciate it and luckily, a lot of it stuck. However, being on the receiving end of long-winded financial conversations was not fun for a kid. I learned to get crafty about changing the subject or ducking out of the room in time to save myself from torture!

One time, I gave my uncle a bit of advice that turned into a favorite family story. We were on a trip to Maui and I went with my uncle swim suit shopping. I was about six and sitting outside the dressing room as he tried on suit after suit. My uncle was not known to be a quick shopper, often doing a lot of comparing and usually experiencing buyers remorse with every purchase. Finally, I got fed up with the swim suit shopping and told him to "Just buy it Uncle Larry". It worked and became a family phrase.

My uncle had many heart attacks and surgeries over the years and we were very lucky to have him with us for so long. I feel grateful that he was well enough to go on so many wonderful vacations with my aunt, including a big trip Europe. I've spent a lot of time this week going through pictures and it has made things easier to remember all of the fun times.

I also feel grateful that my uncle was well enough to walk me down the aisle in 2004. It was so important to me to have my uncle in my wedding, that we actually pushed the wedding date forward after my uncle had a health scare. Even though my marriage ended in divorce, I still hold close to my heart having my uncle there and also having him do the father-daughter dance with me to Sinatra's You Make Me Feel So Young. My uncle was fantastic dancer.

He loved to watch old westerns and had tons of battered Louis L'Amour novels. The last museum trip I made with him was to the Gene Autry Western Heritage in 2004. It was right up his alley.

This week, I've heard a lot of funny stories about my uncle, from my aunt and family friends. He had a lot of people who loved him and will miss him.

He loved to talk to and meet new people. He was very friendly, chatty and curious.

I'm not sure if I believe in heaven, however, if my uncle is there, he has surely not made it through the pearly gates. He has been too busy having a beer and cracking jokes with St. Peter, holding up the rest of the line!

Fun photo booth pictures with my aunt. This is how i think of my aunt and uncle- both slightly goofy and completely in love. They had so much fun together.

At the Maui Tropical Plantation

Christmas a few years ago.

Three years ago, I spent September 24th like any other day. It didn't occur to me until days later, that September 24th had passed and I didn't think of it as having been my wedding anniversary. It took a few years of being divorced, but the date no longer held any special meaning.

It was a date that once held happy memories of not only the big event, but of vacations to celebrate subsequent anniversaries. I was surprised when meaning of the day evaporated. I spent the day as any ordinary day, I didn't even think about it once. I took it as a sign that I was finally at peace with the entire situation.

I have been wondering when, if ever, February 4th would become an ordinary day. Today, marks the fifth anniversary of my mom's death. I've never marked any of the 2/4 anniversaries with tears or depression. Even the first one. On the first anniversary, I headed to Disney World, which I think my mom would have liked. It wasn't a purposeful decision to get out of town, it just worked out that way with vacation planning.

I've not marked any anniversaries or holidays with tears, as one might expect. Missing a loved one is stranger than that, I don't often cry anymore, but when I do, it's set off by unpredictable things, like a moment on a television show. Monica Potter's plot line on the recent season of Parenthood was a trigger.

So, this year, I didn't cry either, but the day didn't pass unnoticed. Actually, the entire weekend didn't pass without me thinking about it. February 4th wasn't really the bad memory day, the second and third were the worst.

My mom fell into a semi coma on the second. She was talking to us in the hospital, up and fairly perky, we left for an hour to get dinner at Dinah's chicken (She said that she wished she could go with us) and she slipped. It was the last time I spoke to her. I spent the next sixty odd hours in the hospital with her, leaving once to shower and grab essentials.

I remember details of the room, including the springy cot in I dozed lightly, getting an hour here and there. The hospital staff was extremely nice and accommodating.

I remember discovering one of my favorite authors, Tom Perrotta and reading all his books in a weekend. I also read Laurie Nataro to keep laughing and reading sections of her books aloud to my mom, even though mom didn't respond.

I remember that when they had to amputate a toe from my mom's left food, a nurse wrote with a marker "This one" with an arrow pointing to the only toe that looked abnormal, it had turned a deep purple.

I remember a middle- aged male phlebotomist unable to find a good vein and shamelessly flirting with my aunt, who is much older and married, while my my mom was shallowly breathing. We actually had a good laugh when he left the room, as the situation was so utterly inappropriate.

I remember eating Numero Unos Pizza in the lobby. of the hospital, unable to finish a slice.

I remember walking by the main reception desk, which was run by a guy from my playwriting class that I had to drop to take care of my mom. We never acknowledged the connection.

I remember the view from her window, seeing the 2 freeway and enormous houses on the hill. I could also see the center where she had gone for radiation treatments, where we once saw a woman break down in convulsive sobs in the waiting room.

I remember when she died. I don't know how long she may have been dead, but I remember noticing that the rattling sounds were gone and I called the nurses station. I specifically remember saying "I think my mom's dead" and not wanting to touch her.

I remember waiting outside in the hallway, while the doctors and nurses removed all of the tubes from my mom.

I remember not wanting to see her body or to be in the room and asking Nancy to use the sheets to cover her. I rushed to grab my laptop and overnight bag to get out of there. without looking over at the bed.

I remember thinking that my mom wasn't there.

I remember feeling an overwhelming sensation of relief.

I remember driving home to Pasadena and how warm the sun felt during a morning rush hour drive.

I remember the phone immediately ringing when I walked through the door. It was a guy from organ donations. My mom's body was destroyed, but they could use her corneas. I remember the guy had a billion questions and I laughed, telling him how organized my mom was, as I found a binder that she had created with her entire medical History in detail. He said that he had never spoken with such a composed and organized family member. He asked me questions about her sexual history, those were not answerable or in the binder.

I remember Fanny coming over within an hour, we sat on my couch and ate yogurt with granola from Whole Foods. It was the only thing in my fridge.

I remember getting the best news, Fanny telling me that she was pregnant. I love all of my friend's kids, but this automatically made Rachel extra special in my heart.

I remember trying to finally sleep around noon and Julie calling me. She had called earlier and offered to leave work to be with me and was checking in. I have the best friends. I remember feeling so tired and not being able to sleep.

I remember finally crashing around four and sleeping until the next morning. I've never felt so exhausted in my entire life.

I guess that February 2nd, 3rd and 4th, might not be so easy to forget and that's probably a really good thing.