Thank you to Grand Central Publishing for providing me with a copy of Kat Chow’s memoir, Seeing Ghosts, in exchange for an honest review.
The youngest of three daughters, Kat Chow was in middle school when her mom passed away from cancer. Her mother’s illness was diagnosed late, and although her mom may have been ill for a long time, the loss seemed sudden and unexpected. After the loss of her beloved mother, Kat struggled through her grief, especially as her older sisters move out of the family home and Kat is left with her father.
Kat’s relationship with her father is fraught and difficult, made even more challenging by her father’s money troubles and his own childhood trauma, including losing his father at a young age.
Seeing Ghosts was a very emotional read for me. I lost my mom to cancer back in 2008. Reading through Chow’s own experience brought back a flood of emotions, and especially during the first half of the memoir, I was a sobbing mess. I was crying so much, that I had to take breaks. That said, Chow’s beautiful writing and raw emotions were very cathartic for me.
The second half of Seeing Ghosts explores Chow’s father’s background and his search to find the remains of his father. Chow was born in the United States, but her parent’s immigrated from China via Hong Kong. When her father was a child, his father left Asia to find work in Cuba, and ended up dying in Cuba, separated from his wife and infant son. Chow’s grandfather’s body was never repatriated and it has been her father’s life long quest to find his father’s bones, a story that finds a happy resolution in the final chapters of the Seeing Ghosts.
Although my family story is very different, I could find a connection to Chow’s family through the themes of how we struggle to understand the traumas of previous generations and how many people have a desperate need to connect with their ancestry. When visiting Cuba, Chow’s father holds a glimmer of hope from gossip that his father had an affair, hoping that he might have a living half-sibling. I’m an only child, with no close living relatives, and I have to admit that I too have a similar hope. I feel that there are many people out in the world looking for connections and Seeing Ghosts is a memoir about connecting, both to our past and with those still living.
Chow’s father is a bit of a hoarder, a problem that increases after his wife dies. This is a a major area of stress and worry for Chow and her sisters, but the problem also reveals an important aspect of her father’s personality. He has experienced so much uncertainty and loss in his life, that the objects allow him to have a sense of control and peace. I saw a similar behavior in family members who were alive during the Great Depression and WW2.
I also must mention the tremendous amount of love in the Chow family. Chow’s mom did not hold back when showing affection towards her daughters, and that love has spilled over into the relationship between the sisters. Love is open and vibrant, shown through words, actions, and gifts. There is so much strength in their love, that it kept me hopeful, in even the darkest moments.
Seeing Ghosts is a beautifully written and highly emotional memoir. It’s a fascinating look at the Chow family, but also a deeper story about the affects of leaving your homeland and figuring out your place in the world. It is about navigating the ephemeral and transitory nature of life.
