Book Review- Laurie Zaleski's Funny Farm

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for a copy of Laurie Zaleski’s memoir, Funny Farm.

Running from an abusive marriage, Laurie Zaleski’s mom fled from her husband, taking a small amount of belongings and her three young children. Money was tight, but they managed to find a rental property in a rural area. The house was small and run down, a place that had been used for squatters and teenagers, but with her determination and upbeat attitude, Zaleski’s mom turned the place into a home where she would raise her children. The property was big enough that they started to amass an assortment of rescue animals, including a beloved horse whose broken leg they healed.

They were not able to move far from Zaleski’s father, who despite continuing to terrorize Zaleski’s mother, was granted partial custody of his children. Zaleski witnessed acts of cruelty inflicted by her father, who was wealthy and prominent in their local community.

Healing and comfort was found in their animal community. Animals, who like Zaleski’s family, were learning to regain trust after trauma. In her adult years, Zaleski would be pulled in two directions; leaving the farm to pursue city life or continue her mother’s work. It isn’t a spoiler to share that she chose a life on the farm and not only took on her mother’s animals, but bought a bigger property. Her rescue is thriving with volunteers and a large social media presence. Her instagram page for the Funny Farm Animal Sanctuary is absolutely delightful, a must-follow for animal lovers.

Funny Farm is a tough read. The rampant abuse; spousal, child, and animal, is hard. Trigger warning is an apt caution. That said, the love and compassion overshadow the abuse, ultimately allowing those abused to triumph. I connected with Zaleski’s pull towards different paths in her adult life, but ultimately following in her mother’s footsteps. Zaleski’s caregiving during her mother’s cancer, took me back to 2008, when I was in a similar position. I may not have a whole farm of rescue animals (just two spoiled cats) or have survived an abusive childhood, but I could relate to much of this memoir.

Funny Farm is a great choice for animal lovers who can stomach the difficult parts. Either way, make sure to visit the Funny Farm social media pages for adorable animal antics. If you’re in New Jersey, you can even visit the rescue and meet Zaleski!

Book Review- Kat Chow's Seeing Ghosts

Thank you to Grand Central Publishing for providing me with a copy of Kat Chow’s memoir, Seeing Ghosts, in exchange for an honest review.

The youngest of three daughters, Kat Chow was in middle school when her mom passed away from cancer. Her mother’s illness was diagnosed late, and although her mom may have been ill for a long time, the loss seemed sudden and unexpected. After the loss of her beloved mother, Kat struggled through her grief, especially as her older sisters move out of the family home and Kat is left with her father.

Kat’s relationship with her father is fraught and difficult, made even more challenging by her father’s money troubles and his own childhood trauma, including losing his father at a young age.

Seeing Ghosts was a very emotional read for me. I lost my mom to cancer back in 2008. Reading through Chow’s own experience brought back a flood of emotions, and especially during the first half of the memoir, I was a sobbing mess. I was crying so much, that I had to take breaks. That said, Chow’s beautiful writing and raw emotions were very cathartic for me.

The second half of Seeing Ghosts explores Chow’s father’s background and his search to find the remains of his father. Chow was born in the United States, but her parent’s immigrated from China via Hong Kong. When her father was a child, his father left Asia to find work in Cuba, and ended up dying in Cuba, separated from his wife and infant son. Chow’s grandfather’s body was never repatriated and it has been her father’s life long quest to find his father’s bones, a story that finds a happy resolution in the final chapters of the Seeing Ghosts.

Although my family story is very different, I could find a connection to Chow’s family through the themes of how we struggle to understand the traumas of previous generations and how many people have a desperate need to connect with their ancestry. When visiting Cuba, Chow’s father holds a glimmer of hope from gossip that his father had an affair, hoping that he might have a living half-sibling. I’m an only child, with no close living relatives, and I have to admit that I too have a similar hope. I feel that there are many people out in the world looking for connections and Seeing Ghosts is a memoir about connecting, both to our past and with those still living.

Chow’s father is a bit of a hoarder, a problem that increases after his wife dies. This is a a major area of stress and worry for Chow and her sisters, but the problem also reveals an important aspect of her father’s personality. He has experienced so much uncertainty and loss in his life, that the objects allow him to have a sense of control and peace. I saw a similar behavior in family members who were alive during the Great Depression and WW2.

I also must mention the tremendous amount of love in the Chow family. Chow’s mom did not hold back when showing affection towards her daughters, and that love has spilled over into the relationship between the sisters. Love is open and vibrant, shown through words, actions, and gifts. There is so much strength in their love, that it kept me hopeful, in even the darkest moments.

Seeing Ghosts is a beautifully written and highly emotional memoir. It’s a fascinating look at the Chow family, but also a deeper story about the affects of leaving your homeland and figuring out your place in the world. It is about navigating the ephemeral and transitory nature of life.

Book Review: Deborah Copaken's Ladyparts

Thank you to Random House Publishing Group for providing me with a copy of Deborah Copaken’s memoir, Ladyparts, in exchange for an honest review.

Writer and photojournalist Deborah Copaken’s Ladyparts, begins over a decade after her first memoir, Shutterbabe, which detailed her early career as a war photographer in Afghanistan. In Ladyparts, Copaken chronicles her separation from her husband, Paul Kogan, and the subsequent stress, health, and financial issues that followed.

I can’t remember the last time that I read a memoir that made me feel every single emotion. All of the feels. Mostly, I felt anxiety and rage towards Copaken’s struggles. To be clear, Copaken is not seeking pity, but Ladyparts serves to shed a light on the inequalities in our society, especially those that women face.

When she sought divorce from her husband, she was left with the bills and childcare, while he restarted his life in California. This situation, along with job loss and health problems, such as a cancer diagnosis, caused extreme instability in Copaken’s life. She saw her savings dwindle to the point where she had to put off having critical surgeries or even reconsider taking not just an ambulance, but a cab, to the hospital during a health emergency. Copaken offers many statistics that show not only a severely flawed US health system, but specifically where the health system fails women. It made my blood boil.

She gives startling examples of how women’s health is simply not given research funds, and how many gynecologist are not trained to help post menopausal women. It’s terrifying and makes me livid. I have a family history of gynecological cancers in my family, and now I am the same age as both my mom and aunt when they had endometrial cancer. I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I felt very triggered and anxious when reading these sections of Ladyparts, especially as I’ve also been in Copaken’s position of not having health insurance. It’s terrifying and I don’t take it for granted now that I have it.

Copaken is so brave and honest. She gives a raw account of her medical situation, including a very graphic retelling of massive blood clots that expelled from her body after a complication from surgery. A complication that she was never briefed could happen, therefore making it even more serious and scary. At one point, she is explaining this at a dinner party and a friend cautions her to keep the details private, as it is not proper. Copaken refuses to be silent or tone down her story. I want to commend and thank her for sharing the details. It is important for women to be heard, especially in situations like these, where her story could help save lives.

My anxiety peaked when Copaken detailed her various problems at different companies. It was a reminder that freelancing (which I’m currently doing) is uncertain, and that the changes in technology and work culture have devalued the contributions of writers. Also, the idea that being middle-aged can be viewed as a liability or another reason to be devalued, made me feel ill. I worked for the same company for nearly fifteen years and it took me a long time to realize that there is little loyalty and no such thing as job security. I was raised by a mom who essentially worked for the same company her entire career and preached the gospel of finding a place and staying loyal, but that is simply not the way the world works now and Copaken’s experiences highlight this new way of doing things.

The #Metoo movement looms large in the last chapters of Ladyparts, as Copaken’s private life goes viral when she outs Ken Kurson, a major editor and friend of Donald Trump, for harassment, stalking, and derailing her career. The details are shocking, but ultimately this story breaking is a huge win.

Speaking of wins, one of the most poignant and beautiful moments comes towards the end, when Copaken encourages her son to “break the rules” and join her on their apartment rooftop to view Fourth of July fireworks bursting over the New York skyline. It’s an intimate moment between a mother and her son. Copaken reflects on time and makes an affecting comment on how our bodies are borrowed, and how we don’t know how much time we have in them, so we should live to the fullest. This resonated with me.

Ladyparts might be one of the most important, perspective changing writing that I have ever encountered. It certainly wasn’t an easy read, as I had to brace myself for the emotions every time I picked it up, but I absolutely recommend it to everyone. Copaken writes without mercy and is a force. Also, Copaken’s friendship and advice from Nora Ephron is fantastic.