Book Review- Doree Shafrir's Thanks for Waiting: The Joy (& Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer

Thank you to Random House Publishing Group Ballantine Books for providing me with a copy of Doree Shafrir’s memoir, Thanks for Waiting: The Joy (and Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer, in exchange for an honest review.

Writer and journalist Doree Shafrir’s memoir details her life as a self-professed “Late Bloomer.” Shafrir reflects on her life from her preteen years at camp, when she felt like the last girl to make-out with a boy, to her young-adult years, when she didn’t hit the same life milestones as her peers.

Thanks for Waiting is a reminder that life often doesn’t follow a schedule, but that also doesn’t mean that your life is less fabulous or somehow a failure as compared with others who seem to be living a more traditional path. Shafrir didn’t not find her husband, Matt, until she was in her mid-thirties and she did not have a child until years later, after many rounds of IVF. However, I don’t know if this necessarily makes her a “late bloomer.” I think she just blossomed in different areas.

As I read Thanks for Waiting, I viewed Shafrir as a woman focused on her education and career, both of which led her to incredible opportunities, including working for Buzzfeed. She mentioned the frustration of getting older and not owning property, yet she was living in New York City and Los Angeles. I’m Shafrir’s age and I lived a majority of my life in Los Angeles. I can count on one hand the friends in our age group that own homes. It’s an incredibly expensive city and certainly not a mark of failure to be a renter.

I think the “women having it all” is a bit of a myth. Happiness is certainly possible, but there are situations in everyone’s life where they have to make choices or give-up something to have something else. Shafrir compares herself to other women who seem to “have it all,” those who had career/marriage/babies/houses, all figured out by the time they were thirty. I suspect that most women compare or have been fed the cultural idea of a “time line.” We get anxious when everyone around us seems to be getting married or having babies. We are told that something is wrong if we deviate from the timeline. It’s a message that is hard to shake.

Although Shafrir admits to her anxieties of not hitting those milestones at the appropriate times and of being a “late bloomer,” in the end, it really doesn’t matter. The stress of her twenties and thirties, gives way to a new career, a loving husband, and a baby boy. She might be an older parents and her concept of her dream job has changed, but she is happy and thriving.

I enjoyed Thanks for Waiting, primarily for Shafrir’s honest writing. As someone who has also taken an unusual life path, I could relate to many parts of her memoir. It’s a strong reminder that life doesn’t always go according to plan and that’s okay.

Book Review- Ariel Levy's The Rules Do Not Apply

Thank You to Random House Publishing Group for providing me with an advanced copy of Ariel Levy's memoir, The Rules Do Not Apply, in exchange for an honest review.

PLOT- In her memoir, The Rules Do Not Apply, journalist Ariel Levy explores love and loss, in her relationships, career, and path to motherhood. She learns the hard truth that life is a series of trade-offs and that the conventional concept of "having it all," is a myth.

LIKE- I vividly remember the final lecture of a Western Civilization class that I took at Pasadena City College, when I was in my early-twenties: The male professor, an self-proclaimed feminist, who would later be caught in several scandals and removed from his position, gave a piece of advice, that in way I've forgotten, was tenuously related to the lecture; he said that time is limited and that fertility did not last forever. He was speaking primarily to the females in the class, urging us, as we focused on our education and careers, to consider that the time frame for fertility is limited. I'm not quite sure what prompted this advice, but I remember the urgency in his tone. He was middle-aged, and in hind-sight, I'm guessing a recent personal predicament influenced his words. I've never wanted children, but that advice has stayed with me, especially as I near forty, still not wanting children, but realizing that the window of opportunity may already be shut. This idea is at the forefront of Levy's memoir.

Levy's road to motherhood is not clear. She is in an unstable marriage with Lucy, an older woman, who is an alcoholic. As Levy tries to strengthen her marriage, she is tempted through reconnecting with former lovers. Her writing career has always been important, and one that sends her on assignments around the world. Lucy's alcoholism isn't the only instability, as Lucy has sunk their savings into starting a solar panel company. Levy is in her late-thirties when she finally decides that she wants to be a mother, and they have a close friend who is happy to not only donate sperm, but to help out financially, and be another adult figure in their child's life. Levy easily becomes pregnant, and her life seems to be heading towards stability and happiness, until tragedy strikes. Levy delivers her child prematurely, alone in a hotel room, while on assignment in Mongolia. The baby is born alive, but dies about fifteen minutes later, as Levy is rushed to the hospital. It's crushing, even more so that she had minutes where she held her living child.

The title, The Rules Do Not Apply, are about all of the conventional things that as a child (or even into adulthood), you expect will happen. You expect to graduate from college and land a great job. You expect to fall in love and have a family. You expect that your parents will live long enough to see those grandchildren. You expect that hard work and being a good person should grant these rewards. However, as Levy points out, this has not been the case for her, and it has not been the case for many of her friends. Life simply does not work like that for most people. Conventionality is a myth.

Levy's thoughts are poignant and her personal story is compelling. She has a knack for phrasing and writes beautifully. She weaves her story with the stories of people that she profiles in her reporting, making her memoir global and expansive. I can't imagine any reader would be left unaffected by this emotional and thought provoking memoir.

DISLIKE- Nothing. The Rules Do Not Apply is powerful and riveting.

RECOMMEND- Yes! The Rules Do Not Apply is a must-read memoir. I'm certain that Levy's story will be a bestseller and generate a lot of buzz. Read it and be part of the conversation!