Book Review- Delia Ephron's Left on Tenth: A Second Chance at Life

Thank you to LibroFM and Hachette Audio for an audio version of Delia Ephron’s memoir, Left on Tenth: A Second Chance at Life.

Delia Ephron, the youngest sister in the famous writing/show biz Ephron family, has written a memoir that is primarily focused on finding late-in-life love and facing the same type of leukemia that killed her beloved sister, Nora.

Left on Tenth begins with the loss of Ephron’s husband Jerry, whom she had been married to for nearly forty years. This monumental loss and life change sent Ephron into a deep grief as she learned to cope with her post-Jerry life. After writing an article on her loss, she is contacted by Peter, a psychiatrist living in California, who felt a connection to Ephron’s grief, having lost his own wife. Even more surprising, Peter had been on a date with Ephron when they were in College, which Ephron did not remember. They reconnect through emails, which eventually progress to phone calls, and quickly, a meet-up in person. Their connection is magnetic and their courtship is brief, as they decide to get married and Peter moves to New York to be with Ephron. They are both in their early 70’s and eager to enjoy their time together.

Soon after marriage, Ephron is diagnosed with the same aggressive leukemia that killed her older sister, plunging her into a long battle with cancer, which also coincided with the pandemic. Newly married, their life is once again, turned upside down with illness, fear, and uncertainty.

Left on Tenth is a heartfelt memoir on taking chances on love and the importance of the relationships we develop with others. In Ephron’s case, this goes beyond her husband and family, to include deep friendships. She never had children, but she plays a mother-like role to several young women in her life, bonds that she holds dear. I come from a very small family and I saw this play out when my aunt and uncle, who did not have children, grew older. Their friends became a vital part of their care and connection to the wider world. It made me keenly aware of the need to cherish and grow all of the relationships in our lives, especially when times are good. We need to show up for each other.

The audio book is read by Ephron, which I appreciated. Hearing her tell her own story added an important dynamic. Despite being heavy with intense situations, Ephron also has a keen sense of humor, which shines through in both her writing and vocal intonation. A memorable scene includes her frustrations with a phone company in the wake of her husband’s death. As someone who has had to handle the affairs of several deceased loved ones, I can relate to the ridiculous and mind-numbing frustrations that occur when closing out accounts.

I highly recommend Left on Tenth. It’s a reminder that although life can be harsh and unfair, there are also wondrous and beautiful moments especially those found through connections with others. Also, don’t sell yourself short, as incredible things can and do happen at all stages in life, including new relationships, new adventures, and new projects. Life does not happen on a preset timeline.

Book Review: Deborah Copaken's Ladyparts

Thank you to Random House Publishing Group for providing me with a copy of Deborah Copaken’s memoir, Ladyparts, in exchange for an honest review.

Writer and photojournalist Deborah Copaken’s Ladyparts, begins over a decade after her first memoir, Shutterbabe, which detailed her early career as a war photographer in Afghanistan. In Ladyparts, Copaken chronicles her separation from her husband, Paul Kogan, and the subsequent stress, health, and financial issues that followed.

I can’t remember the last time that I read a memoir that made me feel every single emotion. All of the feels. Mostly, I felt anxiety and rage towards Copaken’s struggles. To be clear, Copaken is not seeking pity, but Ladyparts serves to shed a light on the inequalities in our society, especially those that women face.

When she sought divorce from her husband, she was left with the bills and childcare, while he restarted his life in California. This situation, along with job loss and health problems, such as a cancer diagnosis, caused extreme instability in Copaken’s life. She saw her savings dwindle to the point where she had to put off having critical surgeries or even reconsider taking not just an ambulance, but a cab, to the hospital during a health emergency. Copaken offers many statistics that show not only a severely flawed US health system, but specifically where the health system fails women. It made my blood boil.

She gives startling examples of how women’s health is simply not given research funds, and how many gynecologist are not trained to help post menopausal women. It’s terrifying and makes me livid. I have a family history of gynecological cancers in my family, and now I am the same age as both my mom and aunt when they had endometrial cancer. I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I felt very triggered and anxious when reading these sections of Ladyparts, especially as I’ve also been in Copaken’s position of not having health insurance. It’s terrifying and I don’t take it for granted now that I have it.

Copaken is so brave and honest. She gives a raw account of her medical situation, including a very graphic retelling of massive blood clots that expelled from her body after a complication from surgery. A complication that she was never briefed could happen, therefore making it even more serious and scary. At one point, she is explaining this at a dinner party and a friend cautions her to keep the details private, as it is not proper. Copaken refuses to be silent or tone down her story. I want to commend and thank her for sharing the details. It is important for women to be heard, especially in situations like these, where her story could help save lives.

My anxiety peaked when Copaken detailed her various problems at different companies. It was a reminder that freelancing (which I’m currently doing) is uncertain, and that the changes in technology and work culture have devalued the contributions of writers. Also, the idea that being middle-aged can be viewed as a liability or another reason to be devalued, made me feel ill. I worked for the same company for nearly fifteen years and it took me a long time to realize that there is little loyalty and no such thing as job security. I was raised by a mom who essentially worked for the same company her entire career and preached the gospel of finding a place and staying loyal, but that is simply not the way the world works now and Copaken’s experiences highlight this new way of doing things.

The #Metoo movement looms large in the last chapters of Ladyparts, as Copaken’s private life goes viral when she outs Ken Kurson, a major editor and friend of Donald Trump, for harassment, stalking, and derailing her career. The details are shocking, but ultimately this story breaking is a huge win.

Speaking of wins, one of the most poignant and beautiful moments comes towards the end, when Copaken encourages her son to “break the rules” and join her on their apartment rooftop to view Fourth of July fireworks bursting over the New York skyline. It’s an intimate moment between a mother and her son. Copaken reflects on time and makes an affecting comment on how our bodies are borrowed, and how we don’t know how much time we have in them, so we should live to the fullest. This resonated with me.

Ladyparts might be one of the most important, perspective changing writing that I have ever encountered. It certainly wasn’t an easy read, as I had to brace myself for the emotions every time I picked it up, but I absolutely recommend it to everyone. Copaken writes without mercy and is a force. Also, Copaken’s friendship and advice from Nora Ephron is fantastic.

Book Review- Suleika Jaouad's Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted

Thank you to Random House Publishing Group for providing me with a free copy of Suleika Jaouad’s Between Two Kingdom’s: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted, in exchange for an honest review.

During her final year of college, Suleika Jaouad began to experience itchy skin and extreme fatigue. She pushed through, graduated, and headed off to begin her adult life in Paris, where she fell in love with a handsome man named Will.

Just a few months into their relationship, Jaouad’s symptoms worsened and she was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. Within days, Jaouad would leave Paris to be with her family in New York and shortly, Will would also follow her, putting his life on a temporary hold to support his new girlfriend.

At the time of her diagnosis, Jaouad and her loved ones had no idea that the next four years would be a roller coaster of chemo, extended hospital stays, dangerous complications and the imminent possibility of Jaoud not surviving. They did not imagine the toll it would take on their lives, both from a patient and caretaker’s perspective. They also couldn't have imagined the rich and diverse new relationships that would enter their lives or how living at the edge of mortality would dramatically alter their perspectives.

Between Two Kingdoms is a force of a memoir. Jaouad does not hold back from sharing her raw emotions, even when those emotions are messy, such as trying to unpack her break-up with Will, who stood by her side during her treatment. Jaouad acknowledges that caretaker’s need breaks and that Will does need to live his own life, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy for her to accept. When she is stuck in a hospital bed or sick at home, the jealousy of Will attempting to have experiences of a normal 20-something, threatens their relationship. Fairness is irrelevant.

Jaouad’s “warts and all” approach to her storytelling is what attracted me to her writing. It also made me reflect on my own life, especially when I was a caretaker for family members with health issues, including cancer. When my mom was dying of cancer, her personality shifted dramatically and we had some epic fights. We rarely fought when she was healthy and had a close bond. I was a wreck, having no idea how to process my mom’s terminal diagnosis coupled with this change in her behavior. After reading Jaouad’s memoir, I have a new perspective on the events. Between Two Kingdoms is a must-read for caregivers. It’s not easy and you will cry, I guarantee it, but it will give you a perspective that your loved one might not be able to articulate.

The second half of Between Two Kingdoms turns hopeful. Jaouad might never live without the threat of her cancer returning or needing to be cautious with her compromised immune system, however, her life does return to a sense of normal. Initially, this transition is jarring. Cancer has dramatically changed her priorities or what she thought her life should be. She has lost many friends to cancer, so many relationships cut short. She is grieving for many things and reeling from her break-up with Will. However, while processing her grief, Jaouad starts taking steps to reclaim her life.

She begins to date a childhood friend, Jon Batiste, a musician who would go on to earn fame and acclaim as the musical director on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Initially, Jaouad is resistant to forming new relationships, but after embarking on a hundred day cross-country road trip to meet people who connected with her during her treatment, Jaouad begins to drop her walls and chooses to embrace life. She is living fearlessly: camping for the first time, traveling on her own, driving thousands of miles after getting her license for the first time…Jaouad embraces her fears and is an inspiration.

Between Two Kingdoms is a powerful memoir that should be added to your TBR list. Jaouad’s story has left me feeling changed. I feel more attuned to the ordinary aspects of living and I have an urgency to strengthen my relationships. Along with this year of Covid, I feel like Between Two Kingdoms is a reminder to appreciate and embrace life.