Book Review- Beth Nguyen's Owner of a Lonely Heart

Thank you to NetGalley and Scriber for a copy of Beth Nguyen’s memoir, Owner of a Lonely Heart.

At less than a year old, Beth Nguyen left Vietnam with her father’s family to begin a new life in Michigan. In the tumult of fleeing at the end of the Vietnam War, Nguyen’s mother was left behind. Nguyen was raised in a new country with a completely different culture, not meeting her mom until she turned nineteen. Her mother also immigrated to America, but was living in a different state with a new family.

When Nguyen and her sister finally met their mother, the reunion was not as they had anticipated. Their mother was distant and seemed flighty, often abruptly cutting their meetings short or canceling all together.

Nguyen estimates that in her adult life, she has spent less than twenty-four hours with her mom, time spent during those shortened visits. Now, a mother herself, Nguyen reflects on this fraught relationship with her mother and the pain that her mother must have felt at being separated from her daughters.

Owner of a Lonely Heart is a force of a memoir. It’s an emotional, difficult read, but also so very beautiful. The beauty comes from the ultimate kindness and understanding that Nguyen affords her mom. Initially, Nguyen is hurt and struggles to understand why her mom keeps her distance. I don’t think the hurt disappears, however, when Nguyen has her son, she can understand that it’s not because her mom doesn’t love her, it is because the hurt is too great. Her mom is protecting herself from further pain and they might be able to have a deeper relationship, but it will take time.

Nguyen also acknowledges the relationship with her stepmother, who has been part of her life from a young age. This is the woman who mothered her and there is so much love in their family. However, Nguyen has curiosity about her birth mother and their life in Vietnam.

Owner of a Lonely Heart is about exploring unanswered parts of your family and past. I connected with this theme. My father died when I was four and due to the sensitive circumstances, it was not discussed. I’ve always felt there were things unanswered that I want to know. I can fit the things I know about my dad on two hands, so I can understand Nguyen’s jumping at the opportunity to meet with her mom and try to understand her, even though her mom is reluctant.

A truly gut wrenching memoir, Owner of a Lonely Heart is a must-read. One of the best non-fiction books I’ve read in 2023.

Book Review- Natasha Leggero's The World Deserves My Children

Thank you to Libro FM for providing me with an audio arc of Natasha Leggero’s The World Deserves My Children.

Full disclosure, I accepted this audio arc without knowing anything about the author. I had not heard of her previously and just thought the premise of her memoir was appealing. Leggero is a comedian and her memoir is read by her.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, even more so listening to it told by Leggero. She’s funny, very funny and listening to her voice was probably better than if I had read the physical version of the book. She has a keen sense of timing and perfect delivery, plus her voice is very animated, adding to the comedic effect.

Leggero writes about her decision to have children when she was in her forties. She froze her eggs when she was younger “just in case” she changed her mind about having children. Although she makes it clear that while this was a wise decision, it wasn’t foolproof. It was still very touch and go as to whether or not she could get pregnant. Leggero discusses the pros and cons of waiting, mostly the pros in that she was happily married and in a place of financial security when she finally decided to have kids. However, she also talks about general ideas of having kids when the world is such a messy place and the environmental problems are only growing worse. There is conflict in this decision.

I grew to really like Leggero. Not only is she hilarious, but she has a interesting perspective on many topics. I felt that she was relatable and engaging. I will definitely seek out some of her stand up specials to see if her comedy acts are as good as The World Deserves My Children.

Book Review-Heather Gay's Bad Mormon

Thank you to Libro FM for an audio arc of Heather Gay’s memoir, Bad Mormon.

Prior to starting this book, I had heard of the Real Housewives franchise ( I don’t live under a rock), but I had not watched any episodes and I did not know about Heather Gay or that she is a cast member on the Salt Lake City series. I chose the book due to its shocking title.

I am not Mormon, but my paternal grandparents were, and I spent school holidays attending services and events at their church. I made friends from their ward and although they are not close friends, I am still in touch via social media and would want to see them if we were traveling to their parts of the country. I have many fond childhood memories of my time with them. This said, I also have a fraught relationship with the Church of the Latter Day Saints and some of its teachings, specifically its interference during some family trauma. I’m not going into detail here, but suffice it to say, as an outsider, I’m curious about some of the more mysterious aspects of the religion.

Gay does not hold back. Raised in the church and faithful for much of her life, she is no longer a practicing Mormon and in Bad Mormon, she shares details about temple life and ceremonies that are otherwise not shared with those outside of the faith. She explains the underwear! I’m sure she faced backlash, as this information is sacred to many, but I was fascinated. It actually served to better help me understand my grandparents and some of the ways they treated me as their only grandchild. Specifically, Gay speaks to the need to always be perfect and good, this was a huge part of how I was raised, mostly with how my grandparents expected me to act. It was extreme and as a child, I had a hard time understanding it, especially in balance with the rest of my family, who are not Mormon.

This idea of what it means to be good is at the center of Bad Mormon. Gay had always pushed back against the way she was raised, but in small ways, ways that most people would not really consider to be “bad”, but ways that were against her upbringing, such as her inappropriate humor or being a bit loud. As an adult, she tried to hold together a dysfunctional marriage and tried to be good in the ways of her faith, but the dam finally broke. On the show, Gay was herself, not feeling that it was bad to dress a little more revealing and have a cocktail. When she was cast on Real Housewives, Gay decided to let her personality shine. Her charisma makes her a popular cast member and outside of the show, she is a successful business woman and single mom.

I still haven’t watched an episode of the Real Housewives, but I enjoyed meeting Gay through her memoir. Her writing style is punchy and funny; she is someone that I’d like to meet at a party. She’s refreshing. I also appreciated the religious insight that brought clarity to my own family dynamics.