Book Review- Beth Nguyen's Owner of a Lonely Heart

Thank you to NetGalley and Scriber for a copy of Beth Nguyen’s memoir, Owner of a Lonely Heart.

At less than a year old, Beth Nguyen left Vietnam with her father’s family to begin a new life in Michigan. In the tumult of fleeing at the end of the Vietnam War, Nguyen’s mother was left behind. Nguyen was raised in a new country with a completely different culture, not meeting her mom until she turned nineteen. Her mother also immigrated to America, but was living in a different state with a new family.

When Nguyen and her sister finally met their mother, the reunion was not as they had anticipated. Their mother was distant and seemed flighty, often abruptly cutting their meetings short or canceling all together.

Nguyen estimates that in her adult life, she has spent less than twenty-four hours with her mom, time spent during those shortened visits. Now, a mother herself, Nguyen reflects on this fraught relationship with her mother and the pain that her mother must have felt at being separated from her daughters.

Owner of a Lonely Heart is a force of a memoir. It’s an emotional, difficult read, but also so very beautiful. The beauty comes from the ultimate kindness and understanding that Nguyen affords her mom. Initially, Nguyen is hurt and struggles to understand why her mom keeps her distance. I don’t think the hurt disappears, however, when Nguyen has her son, she can understand that it’s not because her mom doesn’t love her, it is because the hurt is too great. Her mom is protecting herself from further pain and they might be able to have a deeper relationship, but it will take time.

Nguyen also acknowledges the relationship with her stepmother, who has been part of her life from a young age. This is the woman who mothered her and there is so much love in their family. However, Nguyen has curiosity about her birth mother and their life in Vietnam.

Owner of a Lonely Heart is about exploring unanswered parts of your family and past. I connected with this theme. My father died when I was four and due to the sensitive circumstances, it was not discussed. I’ve always felt there were things unanswered that I want to know. I can fit the things I know about my dad on two hands, so I can understand Nguyen’s jumping at the opportunity to meet with her mom and try to understand her, even though her mom is reluctant.

A truly gut wrenching memoir, Owner of a Lonely Heart is a must-read. One of the best non-fiction books I’ve read in 2023.

Book Review- Suleika Jaouad's Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted

Thank you to Random House Publishing Group for providing me with a free copy of Suleika Jaouad’s Between Two Kingdom’s: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted, in exchange for an honest review.

During her final year of college, Suleika Jaouad began to experience itchy skin and extreme fatigue. She pushed through, graduated, and headed off to begin her adult life in Paris, where she fell in love with a handsome man named Will.

Just a few months into their relationship, Jaouad’s symptoms worsened and she was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. Within days, Jaouad would leave Paris to be with her family in New York and shortly, Will would also follow her, putting his life on a temporary hold to support his new girlfriend.

At the time of her diagnosis, Jaouad and her loved ones had no idea that the next four years would be a roller coaster of chemo, extended hospital stays, dangerous complications and the imminent possibility of Jaoud not surviving. They did not imagine the toll it would take on their lives, both from a patient and caretaker’s perspective. They also couldn't have imagined the rich and diverse new relationships that would enter their lives or how living at the edge of mortality would dramatically alter their perspectives.

Between Two Kingdoms is a force of a memoir. Jaouad does not hold back from sharing her raw emotions, even when those emotions are messy, such as trying to unpack her break-up with Will, who stood by her side during her treatment. Jaouad acknowledges that caretaker’s need breaks and that Will does need to live his own life, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy for her to accept. When she is stuck in a hospital bed or sick at home, the jealousy of Will attempting to have experiences of a normal 20-something, threatens their relationship. Fairness is irrelevant.

Jaouad’s “warts and all” approach to her storytelling is what attracted me to her writing. It also made me reflect on my own life, especially when I was a caretaker for family members with health issues, including cancer. When my mom was dying of cancer, her personality shifted dramatically and we had some epic fights. We rarely fought when she was healthy and had a close bond. I was a wreck, having no idea how to process my mom’s terminal diagnosis coupled with this change in her behavior. After reading Jaouad’s memoir, I have a new perspective on the events. Between Two Kingdoms is a must-read for caregivers. It’s not easy and you will cry, I guarantee it, but it will give you a perspective that your loved one might not be able to articulate.

The second half of Between Two Kingdoms turns hopeful. Jaouad might never live without the threat of her cancer returning or needing to be cautious with her compromised immune system, however, her life does return to a sense of normal. Initially, this transition is jarring. Cancer has dramatically changed her priorities or what she thought her life should be. She has lost many friends to cancer, so many relationships cut short. She is grieving for many things and reeling from her break-up with Will. However, while processing her grief, Jaouad starts taking steps to reclaim her life.

She begins to date a childhood friend, Jon Batiste, a musician who would go on to earn fame and acclaim as the musical director on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Initially, Jaouad is resistant to forming new relationships, but after embarking on a hundred day cross-country road trip to meet people who connected with her during her treatment, Jaouad begins to drop her walls and chooses to embrace life. She is living fearlessly: camping for the first time, traveling on her own, driving thousands of miles after getting her license for the first time…Jaouad embraces her fears and is an inspiration.

Between Two Kingdoms is a powerful memoir that should be added to your TBR list. Jaouad’s story has left me feeling changed. I feel more attuned to the ordinary aspects of living and I have an urgency to strengthen my relationships. Along with this year of Covid, I feel like Between Two Kingdoms is a reminder to appreciate and embrace life.